I dream of Loofah

So i had this weird ass dream where I walked by my roommate and some unidentifiable horse

looking woman. Before I could even comment on the weather horse girl said to roommate,

"yeah, that's like using someone else's loofah!" and

they both looked at me with a look that cried

'well, what do you think...WAYLON!' to which I replied,

"what's wrong with using someone else's loofah?"

and my roommate went from inquisitive to infuriated,

like he was going to pee a little in his pants and then I said, "what? it's just a loofah...man" to

which he replied, "Just a loofah!?...JUST A LOOFAH!?!?"

he walked off saying something under his

breath about midgets and sharpening knives. I looked at horse lady and quipped, "why the long

face?" to which she nayed, "First off, that's not funny! and second, don't even step to me motha

fucka! I'll smack da nasty out yo ass...god damnit! I'll go so milli vanilli up in this bitch you'll have to call your mommy for a ride home!" Call my mom...what?! I was thouroughly confused and

thinking, well no, actually, I said, in a voice that clearly expressed me one upping this

whore,"well then, it's a good thing there's no nasty in my ass for you to smack out...so HA! and

what the fuck is Milli Vanilli up in this bitch? And why would I have to call my mom for a ride hom? That makes no sense...What, are you going to do that poor editing voice

over thing like in karate movies? is that the milli vanilli reference?" Then I gave myself a

figurative pat on the back as if to say, 'oh, we got this bitch'. Then she stepped back and started

moving her lips like Mr. Ed did, which, by the way, I heard that the way they got him to do that

was by sticking carrots in his butthole, I stuck a carrot in my butthole once and definitely did the

Elvis slash quiver slash I didn't really stick a carrot in my...I have no evidence to back that up

the Mr. Ed lip move theory, but that's what I heard...maybe I heard it in a dream...anyway, back

to horse lady. She then got in the charging position and did that breathing thing out her nose

where you can see her breath and it made her look like a bull or something. She then charged

with the fury of a million really strong things and stopped right as she got to me, turned around

and kicked me right in the ass! She then nayed, "Then what the FUCK is that motha fucka?!" I

looked at the ground and thought 'no fuckin' way, she just knocked the nasty out of my ass!' I

don't recall what it looked like, but it was definitely nasty. As I searched the room for nothing

other than a utensil to put the nasty back into my ass with...my roommate came out of his room

with a naked mexican midget holding the machete my Grandpa had me use to cut his corn fields

down with, and a sombrero filled with chips and salsa and said, "JUST A LOOFAH!?!? That's like

you waking up in the morning with my naked ass sitting on your face and YOU get pissed, and

then me saying, 'What? it's just my balls dude...um...woah!...is that your nasty on the ground

dude?'""Yeah, you...go...on...without...me...and tell Karl Rigby I want my Karl Malone rookie

card to be in my coffin god damnit...are those Bugle Boy Jeans you're wearing?" My roommate

then grabbed a chip from the mexican midget's hat and ever so delicately dipped it in what

looked like Sam’s choice salsa...mild, and placed it on my lips choking out the words,"I know if

anything will bring you out of this, it's food." and I said,"dude, wrong time for fat jokes, I'm

dying, FUCKER!...that was kind of funny though...(cough,gag,cough)....salt...(cough)salt" My

roommate said, "MRS. ED! SALT, NOW! AND YOU, MEXICAN MIDGET HOLDING

MACHETE, QUICK, RAIN DANCE OR SOMETHING" to which the mexican said, in perfect

english,"I'm a mexican midget, not an Aztec you culturally insensitive fuck ball!" and he ran

away, spilling the chips and salsa everywhere...my kryptonite...Mrs. Ed was hesitant but she

finally gave up the salt cube she'd been licking on the whole time...I thought, 'no wonder you

weren't in that TV show you ungrateful bitch!' My roommate rubbed what we later found out

was a 24 sided di on my lips and placed the chip in directly after...he shook my hand and

professed,"you still have the grip of a thousand milkers waylon..."everything got blurry, then I

woke up and went to class, the end....PS...that was the saltiest 24 sided di i've ever tasted!