Make it a Double

AS IF
Waylon Brown

It’s 3AM
and now these tears part with my eyes as if I had a shoulder to dry them on
while this boy parts with his father as if they had nothing more to say to each other
but the truth is...I wasn't done talking
walking down the driveway at night I guess I half expect him
to hand me a Camel Light
flaunting his flashlight
that supposedly never burns out
no doubt I'm in the dark tonight
not a bulb in sight to light my way around this frown
so now I navigate pathways between the profane and sublime
for him no matter how dim the day gets

there are now things about my father I will never learn
yet I still stand sturdy upon this stage as if someone out there might somehow still be proud of me
as if someone else will magically pick up where we left off and say
"that's my boy…That’s MY boy!”
to bad my dad had no understudy
why would he?
he had all his lines memorized
besides
you'd be mesmorized
by the look in his eyes
when he said
"Waylon...do you think there is a god?”
“I don’t know dad”
“well if there is…do you think she’ll forgive me?"
and like a boy skipping rocks on a pond pondering how many people may have invented the post-it
but just had nothing to jot it down on
I too have no clue dad
and now these words part with my mind as if I had a sympathetic someone to listen to them
Then and Now
The difference between then and now is
then was a few short days ago and
now is a day I thought would never come
as I sit with half a handle of whiskey left even my most optimistic of friends know it's half empty
you see I used to half full
I used to have full
confidence in my ability to hollow out the humor in everything horrible
instead of whoreing out my humor until everything's hollow
so
please pardon my pitiful pun people but it stings like a bee when I let the buzz wear off
and it's times like this I wish I wasn't drunk
so I could convey once ounce of conviction on this conveyer belt of emotion
when I convict life of false advertisment
that's right...I said it...FALSE!
bosting it's big bountiful breasts as a beautiful broad but underneath the bobby pins, big boobs, and bangin buts
is just another boney bitch
which
brings me to my next point
which brings me to my next
point at a star tonight, any star, name that star
then after your star falls come find me and try telling me
It's not hard to give up something you never thought would leave
Now aint that a bitch
which
brings me to my next
which brings me to my
ladies
next time someone calls y'all a bitch
don't give em the
"oh hell no! I know you just didn't....mm...mmm, mm"
give em the switch
say
"a bitch? A BITCH!? A bitch is a female
dogs
bark is part of a
trees are part of
nature is beautiful
so thank you for the compliment....FUCKER!"
I wish I could propose a toastto the world and say
"to me...to us...to you"
to you…to
usually this is the part of the piece where my heart is on my sleeve for you to poke at and make fun
but no one will ever hurt me now
Some of y'all might call me a dreamer here
but as long as my silent cries for help keep piercing the drums of def ears
years of taking one step forward only to fall two steps back
might just finally get me
back to where I started
and at least then I had a mother AND a father