THE BACHELOR FINALE CHANGED MY LIFE!!!!!!

Yesterday I said to a co-worker of mine, "Hey, did you see the finale of The Bachelor!?" And this co-worker, who for the sake of avoiding unnecessary embarassment we will call "douche-bag" said to me, "Oh, I don’t watch television." And I thought, Well aren’t you just Noam fucking Chomsky. Hey everybody, let’s all be like douche-bag the douchiest bag here, who takes pride in having eliminated from his life the primary communicative medium of our society. Instead of wasting our time with "Bachelor" and "Regis", why don’t we all just sit at home and be like douchetasticality, who apparently spends his evenings drinking his Tanqueray martini up with a twist, pondering the asthetics of his most recent origami swan while writing articles for the local "IN" paper and coming up with mind-altering, orgasm indusing platitudes like "I don’t watch television"!? Artitst of the world– no, fuck it, EVERYBODY! Just take a fat shit on your plasma screens and wipe your ass with that "IN" paper, ’cause after Douchie McDoucherson here gets done NOT watching TV he’s going to revolutionize the intellectual world to such a profound degree that the rest of us are just going to have to buy a big picture of him and go home and look at it and whack off!!!!!!!!
But then, out loud, I said, "Yeah, I don’t really watch TV either."